I have had some time to be still and reflect over the last 5 months. Although I don’t recommend it, losing a job can provide that time not usually set aside for such things. I continue to do the things we all do when we find ourselves without a pay check, the daily search of company employment websites related to our profession, following up with recruiters, networking with friends in the industry. Yet where I find myself after doing all I know to do, seemingly losing at every turn in the road, “I have come to the end of myself and my abilities” (quote from Gail McWilliams author and speaker).
The events of the last few months have been striking. I have received phone calls or emails from companies, and recruiters expressing an interest and yet after several days or even weeks of anticipation and believing this is the right opportunity- nothing. An email or a phone call confirms someone else has been chosen. On 3 occasions I have had direct referrals to a hiring manager by family or friends and yet- nothing. Several opportunities have had multiple openings and the outcome has been the same “the position has been filled”. I have skills and experience yet I can honestly say as of today I just don’t know. I begin to question all I have worked to accomplish, to learn, to strive to be.
I have been reading Dr. Jack Grahams recent book “UN SEEN”. I highly recommend it, the front jacket cover ends with “There is a clear cut way to understand things that cannot be seen. Things that have a profound effect on you and me. There really is more to life than what you see. Jack Graham”. Chapter two Page 48 talks about how we often step outside of Gods direction and plan and into Satan’s strategy by determining that we must do it and falling for that ever present nemesis “I WILL”. I WILL go my own way, I WILL do my own thing, I WILL lead my own life, I WiLL… I WILL…I WILL… Have I somehow allowed I WILL to bring me to the very place I had hoped to avoid? That place of confusion, frustration, mistrust, and anxiety.
In looking back I can see that somewhere along the way “I will” (my-self) decided that it was necessary to be achievement -driven, self-reliant, independent, to do more, be more, to have more, and successful or I am nothing. Yet after all has been done according to “my plan”, at 57 I should be at the pinnacle of my self-driven success. Yet as noted above I have come to the end of myself and my abilities in a dramatic way at a time that there are import things to be resolved and accomplished. Those people, places and things I have so often leaned on have been taken away or have fallen away on their own or by circumstance.
Psalms 46:10, Instructs us that God is our refuge and our strength and to recognize God is with us, recognize His greatness. We are told having done all “Be still and know that I am God”. I am just not clear on being still and what that means or suggests. Isn’t it necessary to act swiftly to resolve the problem, to attain that next position, or accomplish the task? Yet I have done everything I know to do and the task, goal or necessity is still incomplete. What now?
- 1. Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place].
2 Timothy 1:7
- 2. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, and love, and of a calm and well-balanced mind, and discipline, and self-control.
- 3. Be strong, courage’s, and firm: fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
Fear not: stand still (firmly, confident, undismayed) and see the salvation of the Lord which he will work for you today.
- 4. Fear not: (there is nothing to fear) for I am with you: do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you (to difficulties): yes I will help you with My victorious right hand of righteousness and justice.
- 5. Pray at all times, in the Spirit with all manner of prayers and entreaty’s. To that end keep alert with strong purpose and persistence.
“Where there is prayer there is power.” It is the Holy Spirit within us that compels us to pray. Don’t delay learn to yield to the Holy Spirit quickly and purposefully?
- 6. Lean on trust in and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind, and do not rely on your own insight and understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will make plain and straight your path. Be not wise in your own eyes, reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn entirely away from evil.
- 7. Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courage’s. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
- 8. Do not earnestly remember the former things: neither consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing. Now it springs forth do you not perceive it and know it and will you not give head to it.
- 9. So we take comfort and are encouraged and confident and boldly say, the Lord is my helper I will not be afraid.
John 14; 27
- 10. Peace I leave with you, my own peace I now give and bequeath to you not as the world gives do I give you. Do not let your hearts be wounded, neither let it be afraid, stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed , and do not permit yourselves to be fearful, and intimidated, and cowardly, and unsettled.
2nd Corinthians 18:9
- 11. We were under great pressure far beyond our abilities to endure, so that we despaired even of life. In our hearts we felt death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
- 12. But you shall receive power, ability, efficiency, and might when The Holy Spirit has come upon you. And you shall be My witnesses in Jerusalem and all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends, the very bounds of the earth.
- 13. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. So that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I have learned much in the last few weeks through what looks like failure to me, not knowing what to do, overwhelmed with anxiety and frustration in an attempt to fix, undo or repair my situation. Even though my situation or concerns may still be present. My prayer is to be overwhelmed by His Holy Spirit to conform to His will. That ever present friend of mine “I WILL” must be set aside and moment by moment commit all I am to Jesus Christ to focus on His Will and make His Word and instruction my own.
May God bless your life as you pursue Him.
May Gods love and kindness direct you as we are renewed and strengthened
as he does a new thing in our lives, the journey to our new life is on foot,
led by the Spirit and Gods Word, to serve Him, and others.